I have thought for a long time about this subject.
This was probably even one of my first thoughts after Ben and I started discussing marriage a couple years ago.
Sometimes, I felt a total rush and assurance that yes I did want my best girlfriends by my side when I got hitched. But most of the time, I just felt total dread. I felt pressured and anxious. I didn't want to deal with it. I'd fall asleep at night thinking about my wedding day, the people off to my side in a blurry haze of indecision. Bridesmaids.
Don't get me wrong; I love my girlfriends dearly and I appreciate them deeply. And I understand the concept of bridesmaids and I like the tradition behind it. But every time I thought about who would actually be my bridesmaid, I'd panic.
The thing is, I have lots of close friends, but they are all from different parts of my life. I have my sunshine blonde best friend from childhood who I spent my young years ridding bikes to Blockbuster and emptying their shelves of 80's horror films and Milk Duds. I have my high school best friend with her sun-kissed dreads and raspy voice, who, whenever we skype makes me feel like I just left her five minutes ago. I have my heavily tattooed college best friend who makes me laugh harder than anyone and I have my dearest girlfriend here in Moscow who makes my expat life feel more normal. And I have Ben's sister who is going to be my family and who I greatly look forward getting to know. And while I love them all, the idea of them all in matching dresses, or standing around me, or taking pictures together, it stresses me out.
And not really for any reason, but it does. Maybe because though they are all close to me, they are all strangers to each other. Maybe because I feel like I will have to spend my time trying to get them to see what I see in all of them. But really, it just isn't me to be hanging out in a group of girls.
For as long as I can remember, I have hated being in groups of girls (insert traumatic birthday sleepover story here). It just isn't me. I've always been a best friends kinda gal or a big group of party friends, but nothing really in between.
And what are bridesmaids really for? They're who you get ready with, right? All pomp and circumstance aside, they're supposed to help you out on your big day. Well, I don't want to get ready with a group of girls. It's not me. And while I want all these ladies to know how special they are to me, I don't want to show that with dorky dresses and forced pictures.
So here's what I'm thinking:
I think I'm going to skip the bridesmaid thing.
I'd like to incorporate my close friends into the ceremony, maybe with readings from a poem or toasts later on in the evening, but I'd really just like it to be me and Ben up there.
This is a hard thing to back away from and I feel a bit wary about doing so. I know my friends won't mind because they know me and they'll understand, but I also feel anxious about how it will look or something. But that shouldn't be what weddings are about. The wedding should be a reflection of the couple and the beginning of your joined life together. And I don't want to spend that time feeling uncomfortable because I'm an introverted loon.
I read stone fox bride's blog every now and then (and you should too--and follow their instagram, it's absolute gold) and the brides featured always have the most badass advice. Someone--I can't remember who--finally said the words I'd been waiting to here:
It's your day. Do what you want. If you want a gluten free cake, have it. If you want to walk down the aisle to the Grateful Dead, do it. If you don't want bridesmaids, don't do it.
These pretty gals are rockin' those blush dresses, that's for sure.
Image found here.
What do you guys think? Did you have bridesmaids? Will you? Was it less stress than you thought it would be? Am I going to regret it in the long run? Is it OK to just throw tradition to the wind and do whatever you want?
I'd love to here your thoughts on the matter or read about what you did. I still might change my mind, but I wanted to bring it up in this space.