18 October 2013

Ben, Lately, Books

You guys, I miss Ben. 

He left yesterday and everything just feels so weird. Work was weird. His substitute was weird. Walking was weird. Eating was weird. Sleeping was not so weird because I had many glasses of wine and watched many episodes of Girls. 

When we were in college (and a bit after) we spent some time apart during holidays and what not and that was okay. Maybe like a week or two here and there. But this time it felt so much more dramatic. When he left, I felt like my heart was going to explode or something. I don't know what it is. I'm not so anxious about being in Moscow by myself--we spend a good amount of time apart here and I'm fine with walking/taking buses/trains/buying food, etc. alone. Maybe it's the time difference or something that makes it feel much more dramatic. I don't know. It was just hard watching him leave and knowing I needed to be chill about it so he could focus himself on the very important thing he was going home for. 

Still. It hurts. He wrote me a small letter before he left and I've been reading it like, every hour or so. I just love him, guys. 

Anyway, enough about that. I recently bought my first foundation (!!) which was pretty exciting. I've never really worn much make-up, but for the past few months my skin has been looking--dull? I've attributed it with getting older, which is kind of a depressing thought. SO I got onto YouTube (which has the most amazing makeup tutorials I have never been able to duplicate) and did some research and settled on the YSL Le Touche Eclat Foundation which feels like I'm rubbing unicorn feathers onto my face. Really. I still feel really out-of-place with it because, like I said, I've never worn any "skin" makeup. Just blush and mascara kind of stuff. But, I'm trying it. We'll see how that goes. 

The people above us are playing a piano right now? They usually fight a lot and they have a baby that wakes me up all the fucking time, so I spend a lot of time really disliking them. But this piano is nice. I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to have apartment neighbors. I feel like everyone prepares you for weird roommates and what not, but nobody ever talks about how insane apartment neighbors can be. Maybe it's just me? I feel like I've heard some pretty weird stuff through thin walls. 

I feel like I'm rambling. I haven't been writing for myself at all recently. I miss the structure of school. I remember my mentor and writing professor warning us that one day we would leave his classroom and feel lost without deadlines and assignments. I also remember sitting there in my small desk, applying my cherry Chapstick and thinking not me! I'll always be a writer. Which is of course not to say that I don't still think of myself as a writer--I do. I have a couple ideas in my head, I just need some motivation. Aye. 

So, I finished World War Z on audiobook. It was okay. Three things kind of bothered me about it: 
1. It was all set in the future and everyone was recalling their part in this apocalyptic zombie war--which is fine, except there were very little stakes. They would tell these crazy stories, but I never worried about anyone because I knew they would obviously live because here they were, 15 years later telling a reporter about it. 
2. It wasn't scary enough! The writer clearly wanted his interviews to sound like real interviews--and they do (the audiobook is really amazing--every character is voiced by a new person, so it's very rich). But they don't indulge! There are so many, "Yeah... he didn't end well" and you're like HOW?! DID A ZOMBIE EAT HIS HEAD?! DID HE ACCIDENTLY DRIVE A CAR OFF A CLIFF BECAUSE HE WAS BEING CHASED BY AN ANGRY MOB OF FLESH-EATING MUTANTS? THIS IS A ZOMBIE BOOK FOR SLICK'S SAKE! TELL MEEEEEE!
3. There were hardly any women in this book. There were about 25 male characters telling there stories and TWO females. I don't usually care too much about that stuff, but around the seventh male speaker I began to feel really uncomfortable. Where are the women? This is the 21st century--you're really only going to include men? It just felt very imbalanced. And kind of pissed me off, to be honest. And like I said, I'm not someone who nit-picks (did I spell that right?) things like this, looking for sexism, but it just got to me. I don't know. Has anyone else read that book?

I did just start a new audiobook (I don't know if I mentioned this, but I walk for about two hours everyday, hence all these audiobooks) called Gone Girl per my very well-read mother's suggestion and I love it. I'm only about three hours in (???), but it's a very juicy story. And actually, pretty well written. Some of the descriptions are a little corny, but I have been really enjoying the story. And I love the mystery element attached. I can't say that I recommend it yet (I'll let you all know how I liked it when I finish), but I have pretty high hopes for this one. 

Okay. I'm done with my rambles. I hope you all have a good weekend and enjoy some awesome foliage. Cheers!


  1. First time commenter, long time reader here to say I FELT THE SAME ABOUT World War Z. Ugh. Disappointing. But there is hope- if you enjoy the post-apocalyptic genre, try The Passage by Justin Cronin. I read it for a political science class in college that was called "Zombies and Politicians," and fell in love. Great writing and great characters, but even better, great FEMALE characters. Like, totally badass normal women. It's long, 900+ pages, but if you like it that's a good thing. Plus, sequels exist, so yay. If you want other literature in this genre I've got some under my belt so feel free to email me! jamiedouglas1@yahoo.com :)

    1. Thank you!! I'm so glad you felt the same way--I wasn't sure if I was going crazy or if it actually was just the most macho-dominated book ever. And that college course sounds so cool (liberal arts, perhaps?)! And I think I will take you up on "The Passage". I love zombie books and like i mentioned i my post, I do a lot of walking so I try and listen to audiobooks if I can. And I'm saving your email for a rainy day ; ) Thanks so much!!

  2. loved this post, Lisa. it tugged at my all-too-emotional-right-now heart and made me laugh!

  3. my husband was gone over the weekend as well to go camping with his guy friends and i have to say - i self medicated with wine and all of the girly shows that he doesn't care to watch so sleeping was easy. during the day was was rough because all of those times with nothing to do, usually it is spent just being with him. we could do anything, sit on the couch, listen to the radio, and if i'm with him i'm having fun.
    living alone, even if temporarily, is sad.
    besides that, i started reading world war z but trying to get through the first book of game of thrones, i didn't get far with wwz. my husband read wwz, and from what he's told me - i too noticed that there weren't many stories told in the perspective women.

    1. Ahhh! I'm so glad to hear other people also drink themselves to sleep when their men are good. And I agree 100% about the during the day part--I did feel very sad without Ben.

      And Game of Thrones is awesome--but very time consuming (Ben has read all of them in the time we were dating and they took FOREVER). The show is great too!


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